2001-07-16 - 1540

This is the ange the symbol of power for the Celtic Nations in the SCA

The Ange, it fills me full of so many emotions, I feel the power of it draw me in still even after all these years. I feel repulsed by it as if it was my very own Kryptonite. Balynar in a post this week end stated something that hit really close to home about how I feel about Anglesey that the reason they HATED each other so much is because they had in fact LOVED each other so much. I hate some of the things the Ange stands for; I dislike some of the people that are in Anglesey. Hell I love Anglesey; I love some of the people in Anglesey. However the things I have done, and the things they have done to me (mostly all mentally) have led me to preclude myself from their gatherings. I will not lie here and say it was their entire fault, but nor will I tell you it is my entire fault. It is not nor will it ever be just one persons fault. Somethings just happen, we regret them happening but nonetheless it is no better for that wish. In the long run some of the wounds have healed. Justin and I can at least talk, and act as if we are being civil to one another. The older Kinsmen and this surprised me much all but Badger are bastards (I should say most Thorak said he could care less) when it comes to Gwynedd. They feel this way and that way, ~shrug~ I could at this point really care what they think. That is by far the largest step that I have ever taken. In that I have left the old behind, I tend to stand on my own two feet and I live or die by the decisions that I make, not that I didn’t always do so, but now I understand what that means. I am a King, I am a member of the War Council, I am the National Chairman for the National War Council, I am a Knight and Kinsman of Gwynedd and of Anglesey. I was leader of Aratari Dagorhir, I have been head weapons checker for the Aratari for 9 years, and I have been a head weapons checker of the last four Rags. I am a squire to King Halv Ork of Atlantia. All of this Gwynedd and Anglesey made me, all of this I strove to do and every thing I have ever wanted I have. Well that last part is so not true, but I am happy, as for regrets Ive had a few. I would change some of them if I could, but I cant so I go on living and learning as it was meant to be.

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